Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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