Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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