I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
