that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
