Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
