There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
you inspire me to be a worse person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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