apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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