i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
