i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
