she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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