I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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