What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
