I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
