I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
