Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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