Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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