We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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