I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
