i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
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I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
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I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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