I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Randomize
