remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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