You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
