Just fell off a train. Bad.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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