Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
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His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
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She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
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