Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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