$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize