That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
