I could make wine with my vomit
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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