Betty ford says i'm here all night
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
