fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm always down for nudity.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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