its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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