I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
