No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
