she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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