He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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