not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
