She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
