I will die if light touches me.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
