guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
