she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Randomize
