From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i think i scared a bird with my dick
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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