How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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