just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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