Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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