I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.