she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.