i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.