oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.