im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
