I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
time to smoke my breakfast
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
