My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
