you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
