He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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