I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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