woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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