So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
