So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
