I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
there is glitter all over my balls
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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