No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
