Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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