:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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