also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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