I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm at about main and main street
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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