I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
