Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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