if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
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I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
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I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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