I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
