Dual....:-)
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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