people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
