Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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