Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize